As has gradually become clear, there is no longer a reason for this blog to exist. Between my increasing commitments to my school’s weekly and the increasing sophistication and length required by my school assignments, I have very little time for a blog. Happily, I hardly miss it, as I am increasingly satisfied with both of those activites. Since I still have another year of hosting for this domain name paid for, and it’s nice to have a place to put up files I want to share with people (/files, y’all), and this blog does represent a body of writing of a particular phase of my life that I don’t regret, the blog will stay around. I just won’t write anything for it.

Posted on November 20th, 2008 | Filed under seriousness | No Comments »

Want to read about a wacky Leonard Bernstein “theater piece” from 1971? Thanks to my journalism class, you can! Two things I couldn’t find a way to work in: If Godspell is a long-haired man playing acoustic guitar at one of those “Family Masses” made possible by Vatican II, Mass is someone who reads The Secret while vehement on the issue of separation of Church and state; at the end of the performance, I was absolutely astonished by the size and fervor of the ovation—until, as we were leaving, I heard a lady tell her companion that it was “so nice to get out and get some culture.”

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Posted on November 3rd, 2008 | Filed under seriousness | No Comments »

Every Lincoln Town Car manufactured from 1981 to 1997 has a functionless red strip running the length just above its rear bumper. On a highway at night this strip is dull, unreflective and visible. In the eighteen years since the model’s introduction the taillights bracketing this strip have grown more rectangular: in 1981 they were too three-dimensional to be square, stretched out over stubborn vestigial fins; in 1986 the fins had shrunk to two tiny ridges, and the taillights had been given a silver boxy frame; by 1997 they sat flat on the rear and were marred with an off-center Lincoln logo, which I would call “drunkenly off-center” were it not perfectly sober, in accordance with some alternative design philosophy, lost to time or the recesses of the specialized studio, that proclaims upper-inner superior to center. Both Lincoln and Oldsmobile are known for including their extremely similar logos on their taillights. You can differentiate between them by remembering that the Lincoln logo is a stretched window and the Oldsmobile logo is a mod abstract plane placed in a box. Also Oldsmobile no longer exists.

The Town Car’s big dull lip became smaller and was fragmented by vertical chrome strips until finally, in 1998, it disappeared. It is in this or an even more recent model that you have been chauffeured at some point in your life. In the black standard model you were driven by black, Hispanic or Arab men, whom you paid with cash; in the white limousine model you were driven by Greek or Italian men, whom you paid with a check from your father, who had in turn been paid with the pooled cash contributions of your eight closest friends (not their dates; dates don’t pay, they reciprocate). This generation had conventionally contained taillights, without the red strip to connect them. Their flair was their peculiar triangularity, curving upwards with the trunk but coming nevertheless to a point. The fins had ceased to exist, except for the slightly raised strip of taillight on which the logo sits—centered, at least until it was phased out in 2003, and more elongated than usual by the ascending angle.

After 1998, the Town Car is a strictly professional automobile. You are driven in a Town Car when you need to be driven and you have time to schedule a driver in advance; you aren’t hailing a cab, you are scheduling a “car service,” one of those venerable service industries on the relative strength of which the American economy continues to exist. You enjoy the ample legroom in the back seat, as a subject for discussion on the way to the bar and a space to sprawl into on the way back. It was not always this way. In a promotional photograph for the 1981 Lincoln Town Car, a 30-something couple in beige businesswear walks out to their beige vehicle. It is somewhat less spacious than it is today, and somewhat more livable. Its latter half has a humble cloth top, and its trunk has that garish red strip, conservative achievable plastic. The couple is carrying luggage: two business trips, a businessman and a businesswoman, a long-term parking space in LAX or SAN. They are leaving a leafy bungalow with a Southwestern tiled roof and a sliding-glass front door. There is no crime.

This middle class comfort is now something for occasions: weddings, proms, trips to the airport, first or second dates, house parties. It is no longer quite so hideous; its new aesthetic is even respectable, in a way. The logo on the taillights would be laughably retrograde, except it is tastefully reminiscent of hood ornaments. The curvature and triangularity will seem awkwardly modern until every taillight outdoes itself in the early 2000s. All in all, it’s a material improvement over the blank red trim that, still but with more rarity, comes floating out of the highway dark. A clarity of form refined past ownership.

[This is the first draft of the first part of a series of critical pieces about taillight design that I may be writing for the Nass. I decided to try writing them when I realized that, in what seems to have been a rare hobby, I obsessively cataloged and criticized taillights as a child passenger.]

Posted on October 30th, 2008 | Filed under seriousness | No Comments »

This warning about the possibility of a serious run of credit card defaults reminds me: I’ve been hearing alot of radio ads for debit MasterCards and debit Visas, each one mentioning the name of a specific bank at the very end. This is the first time I’ve heard an ad for a debit card since they were widely introduced (as “check cards”) and needed explaining.

Posted on October 21st, 2008 | Filed under seriousness | No Comments »

[I wrote this for a journalism class.]

There is only one thing in the lobby of Firestone that is taller than a man, and that is the single column that stands near but not contiguous with the glass wall that separates the lobby and the Trustee Reading Room. The next tallest thing in the room is a white marble ‘O’ on a pedestal, a sculpture titled “White Sun” by Isamu Noguchi. A little lower are the guards who check your identity upon entry and search your bag upon exit, salaried substitutes for the seven-foot tall plastic rectangles in nearly every other library. These guards sit at a desk-barrier that divides the room in two. I could go on with this list, starting at about eight feet and concluding with the calf-high table-bench inscribed with a Historical dedication to the infinity of the written word, without missing more than one or two items of interest. It is a very horizontal room.

In its coloring the room is even more understated: there is only one thing not tan or brown or silver, and that’s that white marble sun. The walls and the unfortunate column are paneled wood; posterity’s coffee table is a lighter brown with bronze writing; the rows of card catalogs visible in the next room are a better-lit nest of wood, faded tan labels and metal grips; the guard’s barrier is trimmed with steel and divided into sections demarcated by off-white Helvetica signs—one of which is a truer white when, every now and then, it glows. It is a very brown room; it is that era when decorators considered metal in need of offsetting wood and wood in need of paneling; it is 1971.

I find a certain sweetness in the lobby’s aesthetic, a concern for the most human, even familial, instincts of the visitor. (I am going to resist using the adjective “seventies,” and especially its variant “so seventies,” to describe the lobby; in that resistance I would like the reader to resist conflating the lobby’s feel with the televised “seventies” aesthetic that rolled in earlier this decade—and has now already gone, as far as I can tell.) This concern differentiates the lobby from the brash cleanliness of modernist architecture or the ornate ahistoricism of collegiate gothic; it’s a design about you, and the places you’ve lived, and the comfort you’ve found in them.

The lobby’s dusk of browns is preserved by a noticeable weakness in the artificial light, and undisturbed by what natural illumination manages to shine through from distant windows in other rooms. The lobby’s own lighting has been recessed a foot or two behind some kind of plastic grating, in long strips that run along the joint between the walls and the ceiling. One imagines that the grating was overlaid to dim the inhumanity of fluorescence, and it does; it also throws the room in darkness and gives the wood closest to the ceiling a sickened whitish hue. It’s ugly but not severely, in a manner too well-intended to resent. This is the ugliness of your den’s overly shaded lamp and the maroon rug that, though quite fetching in the store, is all wrong in its sluggish light.

If you follow the bleached strip along the wall you will eventually reach, at a ridiculous fifteen feet off the center, a bronze clock. A frilled hour hand and a slim featureless minute hand rotate around a silver button, marking time against eight roman numerals and four symbols: a stallion with what appear to be several horns, 3; an eight-pointed star topped by a crown, 6; a cartoon fox, 9; a hand with a six-pointed star on the tip of its fingers and a heart carved into its palm, 12. Magnified and inscrutable, this trinket is the room’s weirdest touch, ugly in its unearned scale and grandeur.

Firestone’s lobby offers a few different types of aesthetic failure, unified only by their association with a decade I haven’t experienced. The lack of spatial aspiration, the metallically reinforced homeliness, the humanizing gloom, kitsch bearing too great a symbolic load. It’s as dense and cluttered and unintended as the final form of a lived-in home, and as touching as an uneventful accumulation of years. Temporally, it’s very hard to place; I’ve already mentioned the ready-to-hand “seventies,” but that doesn’t suffice. The card catalog is a 1948 original, as is the WPA-style “Federal Documents Depository” insignia outside the main doors—but the white sun is from 1966, the paneling 1971 and the clock another universe. Too many ideas and intentions have spilled over into the space, the legacy of generations of contributors united only by their disdain for revisionism and charitable respect for each other’s difference. It is a room doomed to ugliness and overcrowding by its tolerance, and all the sweeter for it.

There is still one more wonderful thing: a small history of Princeton University in a long glass case, totaling maybe five hundred words with twenty-five pictures. Its tone is whimsical, as such limitations require: there is a swatch of fabric worn by alumni during the “P-Rade”; a photograph of “[Former] Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld ‘54,” in a wrestler’s singlet pointing a victor’s thumbs-up; four postage stamps depicting Nassau Hall; a photograph of a 2003 Princeton University Players’ performance of “Pippin,” “one of many that year”; and, in what might be the longest section, a description of the plot and historical importance of the 1951 Cary Grant film People Will Talk, shot on campus. The notion of the thing is only slightly less absurd than a brief sociological snapshot of American life (bleachers, the Sharper Image, tax cuts), and slightly more than the scrapbook my mother kept for me with one page per year (thirteen: a photograph of my first communion; sixteen: khakis and sneakers and sun-squinting on a beach).

As I write this, the “BOOK RETURN” sign just came back on. It will burn for another twenty minutes, the uneven light behind the second ‘O’ upsetting Helvetica’s perfect weight, as hand-drawn as illuminated text could ever be.

Posted on October 20th, 2008 | Filed under seriousness | No Comments »

On the best days at work, I get to look at old magazines, back issues they just found stashed away someplace. The other day I got to look through a couple issues of Connoisseur, a defunct guide to “the civilized world”:

The very fact of this magazine implies everything I want to say about it, but just check out the following ad and article, in that order:

Wealth continues on even as the chains of heritage are broken.

I  had a thought about the huge success and huge backlash against Vampire Weekend—it’s apiece with the hype cycle, of course, but more than that it’s because the band represents something so needed and simultaneously so ugly that it’s hard not to become as revolted as quickly as you are enamored: an earnest expression of wealth, convinced of its own innocuousness and carefree in its ignorance of the very serious attention people might pay to such matters. (”Why would you lie about how much coal you have / why would you lie about something dumb like that.”) It’s an ahistorical reincarnation of the very thing for which Connoisseur was proof of expiration, class secure in its modes of operation.

Posted on October 18th, 2008 | Filed under seriousness | No Comments »

Bromst is not even going to have music; it will only exist in live performance. Dissatisfied with how late he came to the audiovisual phenomenon with Ultimate Reality, Deacon has decided to transcend these media in his next album by pioneering several new techniques, the already-rumored semantic chords and three-dimensional film reconstruction among them. The visual component of the album will be reconstructions of celebrated films in three dimensions using only information within the original film, created without computer assistance; these reconstructions will be projected on top of live theater. Deacon will eschew music entirely, instead layering multiple spoken-word compositions (primarily in English and secondarily in German, but including all langauges ever spoken): dialogue from the original works, unspoken dialogue hidden within the original soundtracks (Deacon terms these lines “inaudible complements”), several original plays, and free-form language poetry. In a forthcoming academic work, Deacon will outline the theories of semantic chord progression and the technique of extracting “invisible and inaudible complements” from traditional media that make Bromst possible.

(Don’t pin this absurdity on me. Just look at Deacon’s slogan: “everything at once all the time forever.”)

Posted on October 14th, 2008 | Filed under whimsy | No Comments »

The stubborn refusal to recognize, even now and after all, that the synthesizer is an instrument and not an end; the cleverness ignorant of the fealty its mash-up (let’s not dignify it with some successor term) of a cheesy piano riff from 2008 with a cheesy piano riff from 1970 pays to the hegemony of the soft weak heart.

Posted on October 13th, 2008 | Filed under whimsy | No Comments »

If I am called upon to write two more of these, my veins might run with vitriol.

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Posted on October 5th, 2008 | Filed under whimsy | No Comments »

I overheard at work today that enrollment in Art History is down.

Posted on September 30th, 2008 | Filed under whimsy | No Comments »